Day 27 Health Activist Writers Month Challenge
Yesterday’s prompt: (Im a day behind – life got in the way)
5 Challenges. 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small victories) that keep you going.
1. Improving our families diet – While I am sure to always educate others that my kids, although they have Type 1 diabetes, can eat everything everyone else can – that doesn’t mean they should and I shouldn’t either. When my first child (actually my youngest child) was diagnosed with Diabetes I didn’t understand that there were different types of diabetes. I only knew about a type that restricted a person’s diet. My first thought when I was told Sugarboy had diabetes was that he couldn’t eat the chocolates I bought him for Valentines day. Of course I soon learned the differences between the types of diabetes and Sugarboy was able to devour his chocolates on Valentines Day. Still to avoid huge sugar spikes we try to reduce the amount of processed sugars we all eat. It is hard to say no to Reese’s Peanut Butter cups though.
2. Allowing my cwd to go for long periods of time to friends homes or events without me. Diabetes is a difficult monster to understand and trusting just anyone to notice symptoms of low blood sugars or trust my own offspring to notice their symptoms and take appropriate actions or ask for help has been a challenge. Sweetstuff gets it and does a very good job checking her blood sugar and taking appropriate actions. Sugarboy is young and when he best busy helping Green Lantern save the world symptoms and blood sugar checks often get forgotten. It will come with time – their better understanding and my ability to trust them.
3. Remembering to first say good morning, good afternoon, & welcome home to my kids – then ask them to check their blood sugars. As a parent of children with diabetes it is the first thing I think of when I wake up, the last thing I think of before going to bed and nearly every hour of the day. I sometimes forget to be a mom first and a diabetes care manager second. It helps that my daughter is as sarcastic as me and if the first thing I say to her when she gets home from school is “How were your sugars?” she will respond with “I had a great day how was yours?” (Love that she speaks my language)
4. Allowing others to help – I am a bit of a control freak. When I say “bit” I mean I need to control every aspect of my life if at all possible – if given the opportunity to fly the 747 I am about to board I would even though I have no flight experience. Allowing others to help is really the second half of a larger challenge which is asking for help. For over 5 years I insisted on being the parent that checks the kids blood sugars at midnight and again at 3am even though my body was screaming for rest. Finally this last February I asked my husband to help and take over the 3am checks. Asking took a great deal of strength – it took a great deal more not to criticise his actions regarding the checks and allow him the opportunity to learn.
5. Maintain my faith. I was raised a Lutheran. I was a watered down Christian as an adult. I attended church occasionally, made most the big holiday services, took my kids to Vacation Bible School and volunteered to help out. I believed most of what the Bible told us – the whole Noah’s Ark thing has always been a bit of a stretch though. When Sugarboy was diagnosed I felt so broken – even though it was his body that was broken. I asked for help and I truly believed I felt the Holy Spirit come to me, wrap me in his arms and give me strength. For two years my faith increased, I began a stronger believer. I witnessed to others about the glory of our God. Then on April 19th of 2009 my only daughter and my first born was diagnosed with diabetes. I was seriously like WTF to our Heavenly Father. I’m not as angry now as I was then but I’m still not speaking to him very often. I am bitter and I question the methods of the madness. I am not saying that I don’t believe – I honestly don’t think a person can be as p***ed off at someone as much as I am and not believe at the same time. My philosophy right now “Faith is not the absence of doubt, it is the ability to believe in the presence of it”. I don’t doubt the existence of God – I do doubt his motives. I was raised to understand that HE either makes something happen or allows it to happen. Therefore – he could end the madness for us all.
There may be some that read this last challenge and feel sorry for me, get angry at me, think that I am a blasphemer, think that the devil (I do doubt his existence) has taken hold of my soul. Please don’t feel sorry for me – it is a journey and like most journey’s I will come out stronger on the other side. You can be angry but I would question YOUR faith if you are angry at someone for acknowledging their struggles. I probably am a blasphemer – I do love Depeche Mode’s song Blasphemous Rumors – I do question God’s sense of humor. And as far as the Devil – well if he does exist he can kiss my arse. I am a good person and an intelligent person with Free Will and I’ll be damned (tee hee see what I did there) if the Devil thinks he can have even a portion of my soul. If you don’t like what I’ve shared feel free to pray for me – you don’t need to tell me you are praying for me – if prayers work (and I still believe they do) I don’t even need to know you are praying. I can offer a suggestion though – if you would like to pray for me – consider praying that I find that sense of peace and love I had when Sugarboy was diagnosed. That felt wonderful.
5 – Small victories:
1. Starting a Dblog. I had wanted to share my thoughts, fears, struggles, successes, moments of wonderful, etc etc etc for a long time. I didn’t have the courage to do it until the end of January and it has given me great joy.
2. Became involved in the DOC. Prior to starting my own Dblog in Jan I would frequently read a few other blogs. Not many but I had my favorites. I never openly followed the blogs and I never got involved with twitter. I didn’t even know their was a large DOC on twitter. I would occasionally post or read posts on the Children with Diabetes forums and I had my handful of other Dmoms that I would interact with on Facebook. I thought I had all my bases covered. I didn’t realize what I had been missing until I attended my fist DOC DSMA Twitter Chat. All of a sudden I was connected. I interacted with people thousands of miles away – even across an ocean. I realized that I wasn’t alone. All at once I was allowed to make jokes about diabetes, say FU to diabetes, and exchange frustrations and knowledge about diabetes with people who understood. I began to feel normal in the normal that I had known. (does that make sense?)
3. I am allowing my Sweetstuff to attend a two night sleep over camp out with her girl scout troop and I won’t be there. (granted the girl scout troop leader is also a Dmom so I know Sweetstuff will be in excellent hands) This camp-out without me is a huge deal for me – see control freak paragraph above.
4. I have started to exercise. That may not seem like a victory to those that are vigilant about exercise but for me it is huge. It’s not that I’m lazy. I work my bum off most days. It is that I rarely allow time for me to take care of me. Like the time I take to write on this blog – I wouldn’t normally ever allow myself this much personal time. I would instead focus on cleaning the house or working. I have come to realize I can take better care of my family if I also take care of me.
5. Letting go of hate. There have been times in my life that I have held on to hurt feelings long after the event occurred that resulted in my hurt feelings. Keeping that hate or hurt allowed others to live rent free in my head. In the last year I have made conscious effort to let go of past anger and hurt. I won’t say that I have forgiven those who hurt me or my kids but I have forgotten and moved on.