Tetris

Greetings old friend.

I have a number of friends that I don’t talk to regularly. Sometimes weeks, months even a year can pass in between chats. Still when we do reconnect it is like time stood still and we pick up where we left off. We recognize that life gets busy and crazy and sometimes sad and so conversations take a back seat while we get our shit together. It isn’t that we don’t think of each other often while we are away.

My blog is a friend. I’ve thought about dozens of posts the last few weeks but taking time to sit and write would have added stress to my already stressed heart.

I recognized sometime in April that I was in a full-blown burnout. Not just diabetes related – life related.

I don’t write about my marriage or extended family much here. I don’t think its fair to them. But know this – (many of you will already know this) diabetes takes a toll on families. Not just those with diabetes but the entire family. As a dmom I share much of my frustrations about late night blood sugar shenanigans, sleep deprivation, fears, and anger. It may seem as though I get my shit together fairly quickly but in honesty some of the emotions always linger and those emotions affect my marriage and other relationships.

Sadness, exhaustion, fear, and anger are always dropping in. Much of the time I am able to adjust the pieces so they don’t stack up too high. Picture a game of Tetris if you haven’t already. I redirect the fear, anger, sadness, and exhaustion so that they cancel each other out and leave me with space for hope, love, laughter. Sometimes the pieces fall too fast or I misdirect a few pieces that sabotage the whole operation. The result – the stack reaches the top and its game over.

I reached that point just after my birthday. I was in a bad place. I was in a period of depression with a side of anger. I had to step back and reset the game.

Life is cyclical. Things are improving now because I hit a precipice and changes needed to be made. Things will continue to improve and there will be another point in the future where things stack up and changes will need to be made. Each time life cycles around we have an opportunity to develop a deeper sense of self-awareness and growth.

While I don’t like the place I was over the last couple months I certainly am grateful that life is not linear because a line doesn’t allow for growth.

Anyway – I’m back and feeling reenergized so – Game on.

 

 

12 thoughts on “Tetris

  1. I thought about emailing you to see if you were okay beauce your last post seemed pretty down hearted but never knew where to start. Im gald that you are back

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    1. Thanks Stacy. I understand not knowing what to say to friends that are in a difficult place. I am thankful you were thinking of me and I am grateful to have come out stronger. Hope you are well.

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  2. I love your tetris analogy. You are amazing and inspirational for how well you deal with all of this. And everyone gets overwhelmed and stressed out by things. I’m happy to hear you’re on your way up and out of this. *HUGS*

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    1. Thanks Ellsheva. Things are getting better. I was overwhelmed but it wasn’t really all diabetes related. In fact diabetes role was more in regards to exhaustion which made the stress of the other non-diabetes stuff all that more difficult. What is worse is guilt I feel for being overwhelmed when so many have much bigger things effecting them in their lives but they seem to handle their things better. I am grateful for you and so many others that have offered hugs and well wishes. Hope to chat again soon.

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  3. As I began reading this, all I could do was feel bad and wish things could get better. Then you mentioned that they are.

    I am glad things are improving now, and I hope they continue along that path.

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  4. I am so sorry that you went through such a rough time! I’m SUPER glad that thing are getting better now though. You’ve definitely been in my thoughts and prayers. HUGS!!

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    1. Thanks Lyn. Honestly very little of my retreat into seclusion was diabetes related (although the exhaustion plays a huge role in how I deal with life in general). Im a fairly strong person but here in CA I am out of my element and things just added up. Marriage woes, missing friends in TX, family stuff, money stuff, house stuff, school stuff – I let a lot of it pile up and became overwhelmed. Im still sifting through the piles but the stack is much more manageable now. Thanks always for your support.

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