Hi my name is Christina and I have anger issues. That is a bit of an exaggeration – although my kids might suggest it is accurate. I will admit I have been and sometimes still am a yeller. I don’t like to yell it hurts my head and truly accomplishes nothing. I obtain better results if I whisper. I have friends who never seem to raise their voices to their children. The kids seem about as well-adjusted as mine though – each with their own issues.
My kids do have some aggression issues – but only towards each other. None of them have ever been aggressive towards others. However, if any one of them gets overly frustrated it can be like dogs fighting I almost have to throw a blanket over them or spray them with water to break it up. There don’t seem to be any rules either – punching, slapping, pushing, kicking, all fair methods of beating the crud out of each other.
I’ve never been the spanking type. I don’t judge those who do use that method of discipline. It is just that my folks were spankers and slappers. I don’t feel I learned anything from those moments of discipline. I have occasionally given it go – always unsuccessful – just made me feel cruddy and I am certain my kids learned nothing from it. So where did all the physical aggression toward each other come from?
The physical aggression isn’t even the worst of it. They are often just mean to each other. Middles intentionally annoys his sister with every ounce of his being. Sweetstuff (seems odd writing that right now seeing as she just slapped the crud out of middles then slammed the TV cabinet door but not before screaming at me and telling me she hated me – sigh…) anyway she has zero patience for her brothers – after all she does believe the world revolves around her (do most tween girls???) Sugarboy is the devious and manipulative one. He is so good at manipulation that often adults and kids don’t know they have been played for sometime after the event. Recently he did admit “my cuteness is failing me – you don’t say yes so much anymore.”
Sometimes I try to excuse poor behavior between the kids if one or more of their blood sugars are wacky but I don’t feel as though I am doing them any favors. Will their supervisors or teachers excuse poor behavior due to diabetes related issues. Likely not. Plus since Sweetstuff has never had a single behavior or academic issue at school – but has had numerous high or low blood sugars – clearly she has the ability to make proper choices while under d-influence. Same goes for Sugarboy – the one time he had an altercation with another boy at school his numbers were spot on. Middles is the only one who has a few behavior issues at school but never toward other students – more of arguing back to the teacher when she tells him to stop talking. (seriously he will argue till the cows come home if he believes he is right) So back to not allowing D to be an excuse for poor choices – I would love to hear feedback from adult PWD and how blood sugars effected your behavior while growing up and how they affect your behavior now.
Meanwhile I will be interviewing anger management specialists for my kids who honestly seem to hate each other more often than like each other. Where did I go wrong?
Stick With It Sugar 
Mine are too little to dislike each other, but I have a feeling the day might come.
Your kids sound very similar to the dynamic we had in my family growing up. I was smack dab in the middle of two boys and for awhile it seemed like all we did was fight (or two of us would gang up on one).
We like each other well enough now, so it all worked out. Sorry I have no words of wisdom… Just anecdotes from my messed-up childhood.
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I am the second of 4. Thus I am a middle kid too – there should be a support group. In addition to the DOC (diabetes online community) there should be a Middle Kid Online Community – maybe I could work out some of my issues.
Of course we all get along now – my siblings and I. Specifically my older sister and I (we HATED each other sooo much when we were young). Now I can’t imagine my life without her.
I know it will be the same for my kids but it hurts to see them fight so much right now.
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I would join that support group. Nobody gets middle-child syndrome unless you were one. My husband thinks I’m crazy.
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A bazillion books have been written about birth order – I bought my sister one called “???shit can’t remember???” but Ill get back to you about it. She bought it when she came down from WI with her girls to visit. Last time I visited her I saw that it had about a hundred sticky tabs and was highlighted all over. Clearly she uses it for a reference book. I don’t think she has “The Birth Order Book” by Dr. Kevin Leman but I know his book is awesome – he also has a video series but it’s costly. My point is – you are not crazy. I think learning about the psychology behind birth order can help a person understand themselves and others. I met a mom at my kids school a few years back and she was just obnoxious. I volunteered often and so did she and so I was around her a lot. I think around the third or fourth event I asked her what her birth order was. Turns out she too was a middle but still stuck in the “someone please pay attention to me” phase. Like I said learning why we are the way we are in terms of birth order can help us. I was an obnoxious – pay attention to me – kid with low self esteem because I always felt ignored. (common problem with middles). Ok – seriously there should be a support group seeing as I could talk about birth order for hours. Hope your day is great Joanne.
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(I’m sorry, but I’m giggling now…) I can’t speak about D, but I can tell you as the Mother of 4 non-D kids, it’s all normal! Sibling rivalry should be an Olympic Sporting event! (And the baby is almost ALWAYS a master at cute-ness-manipulation.) When my daughter was that age, I lost count of how many times I called my Mom appologising for my youth. (She laughed…a lot!)
I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but you will survive. (And they probably will too. *grin*) And as they grow, they’ll still fight, but they’ll also be close and you’ll relax a little and forget (or try to) about these rough years. *hugs*
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