For the love of God someone please get me a magic bullet or a blender.
Yesterday I was thirsty and needed caffeine for a headache.
I was at Target. The target has a Starbucks.
I thought ‘cool’ Ill get a coffee. But I was thirsty and hot liquids aren’t good for thirst. Thus I ordered a blended coffee frap thing. I also ordered a cup of water – just tap water – no ice – I sucked that down while the guy made my frozen coffee. The guy handed me my frozen treat and I took a sip – delicious!
I left target and opened my driver’s side door. Sadly my beverage holders where all occupied with old pop cans and a travel mug (we shall not speak of this). I set my tasty treat on the edge of my van next to the seat nearest the door. I left the door open. Then I turned to put my groceries in the back seat.
You know whats coming but let me finish.
The darn wind blew my driver’s side door closed. I heard a crunch.
I opened the door to find my tasty treat safe and sound except the cup a little squished. I bent to pick it up and in that split second it crashed to ground – upside down. All my frozen coffee goodness was splattered on the pavement. I won’t lie – for a nano second I considered pulling a Joey from friends and scooping the top of the frozen pile back into my cup. Don’t worry I didn’t.
Fast forward to just 10 minutes ago. I was thirsty. I need caffeine. I don’t want a hot beverage. I thought – shoot I can make a blended coffee – no problem.
I poured left over morning coffee into a 6 inch high Braun cup (the same one I use to make smoothies). I added a dash of sugar and a splash of milk. Then I added a hand full of ice cubes.
I put the Braun mixer wand into the cup and envisioned the tasty treat I was about to enjoy.
I pressed the button to begin the sweet blending process.
My counter and wall are now covered in sticky coffee with a side of milk.
Clearly I am not at my best today.
*early today I exploded two hard-boiled eggs in the microwave. Do not try to reheat hard-boiled eggs (even if they are peeled) in the microwave – I had egg shrapnel everywhere.
*please do not send me a blender or magic bullet unless your name is Chad and you love me.
This is what happens when I stay up till after 3am and get up at 6:30.