So far this summer my daughter had two friends visit from CA, I took the kids and the dogs to CA to visit friends, my youngest had his first sleep-over in CA and diabetes was an asshat – not once but twice at two different sleep-overs, I was bitten by my cat while at the vet discussing quality of life and the bite got seriously infected requiring IV antibiotics and oral antibiotics as well as heavy pain meds, both my dogs got sick with diarrhea, I had to say goodbye to my elderly cat, my youngest attended diabetes camp last week, my oldest is currently at diabetes camp, and my middles will attend diabetes camp next week.
This summer has brought good times and bad times.
Recently a friend was channeling Dickens’ on Facebook and since his post beginning with “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” I have been thinking of what the summer has brought thus far and trying to acknowledge that with the good there is the bad.
I am embarrassed to say that I have never read ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ thus I have no intentions of trying to dissect the book and apply it to this post or our lives – its more the fist paragraph of the text which I have read multiple times. I believe I was supposed to have read the book sometime back in high school but I likely winged it by reading cliff notes. Sometimes I wonder how I graduated at all with all the winging I did my first 2 years of HS.
Things can’t always be sunny. I try to stay positive and put only positive energy out into the world and more often than not I succeed. Still I sometimes fall, stumble really and my world overwhelms me. When that happens all kind of negativity escapes and boomerangs back to slap the crap outta me. That’s where I am right now. Being bitch slapped by the crap I sent out into the world.
Let me first say that I feel stupid when I get all whiny about cat bites, lost pets, loved ones who don’t know how to love me when I’m not at my best, kids who don’t always listen, sick dogs, and a messy home. I feel stupid because there is so much to be thankful for and there are so many bigger things happening around the world like civilian planes being shot out of the sky, thousands dying in various wars in the middle east, and droughts that threaten our food supply and the livelihoods of so many farmers – not to mention hardships being experienced by friends with sick parents or spouses, financial woes, and/or other medical issues for themselves or their children.
Knowing all the other stuff is happening and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the goings on in my own life adds guilt to my list of woes. How stupid is that. I should just be able to shake it off. Choose to be happy. Suck it up. Etc. Etc.
I’m not sure those who have never been in a real funk understand that the harder one tries to just ‘shake it off’ the deeper the hole seems to get. The inability to simply ‘be happy’ leads to feelings of failure and more guilt. Who am I to be sad? I have a fully functional pancreas, a beautiful (albeit cluttered) home, a fridge and cabinets full of food, a van to take me places and the money needed to fill the tank, three amazing kids, dozens of friends both IRL and who live in my computer, and I live in a war free country. Recognizing all I have does help but it doesn’t fix the chemical/electrical issues happening in my brain that cause my funk.
I go through this every so often. Sometimes a year will pass, other times it will be only a few months. Sometimes long naps, long walks and various forms of chocolate will end the funk. More often than not its the laughter of my friends and/or kids that will bring me to a peaceful place. I try to put really wonderful moments in a special place in my head and heart so I can call on them when I need them most. Like a time I was on a spinning ride with some friends and one was about to vomit thus causing another to search through a dozen different pockets in her jacket for a dog poop bag or the time I was playing pictionary with friends and I was supposed to be drawing ‘gas mask’ but my friends were calling out ‘ass face’ (there may have been adult beverages at that gathering), or recently when my daughter was asking to get the cartilage of her ear pierced but instead said ‘cleavage’ to her dad and I (her dad looked at me seriously and said “did she just say cleavage?” – oh we laughed so hard) or the time years ago I took my nieces and sister to the Texas coast and told them we would go to ‘Joes Crab Shack’ but my 9-year-old niece thought I said ‘Joes Crap Shack’ which then resulted in all the kids in the car (5 of them aged 5-9 years old) to ask ‘crap’ questions; ‘can I have some more butter for my crap? Do you have crap cakes? Id like a pound of steamed crap. This is the best crap I’ve ever had. etc’, or a moment like I had in CA with friends recently in which I was sharing a recent story I read about a guy who farts on misbehaving children in stores – my friends and I were laughing so hard a few of us may have almost peed. HERE is the fart story so you can laugh too.
My point – sometimes laughter really is the best medicine and I hope you also have some stock laughter you can call upon when needed.
***(Sometimes laughter is not enough and pharmaceuticals are helpful/necessary – please if you are under a doctor’s care and using medications to help with depression do not change your medical treatments without consulting your doctor.)
***If you ever get a cat bite – one that is a puncture wound so that when the cats tooth releases your flesh the wound closes – go to the doctor immediately. Cats carry very dangerous bacteria in their mouths. The bacteria get caught under the skin with a puncture wound and it is not possible to clean the wound, thus the bacteria multiples quickly. Those little beasties are serious asshats and will cause a terrible infections without medical attention – an infection that can require hospitalization to fix and could require surgery. This is true for all cats – even your own.
*** That song ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams actually causes me to become homicidal. While ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy‘ by Bobby McFerrin actually does make me smile.
(I refuse to share a link to ‘Happy’ cus Grrrrr.)
***This post is really just a way to clear my head.